i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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