i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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