hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
