Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
