I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
