you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
