at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
