Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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