I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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