So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
