cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
