guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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