There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
