And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
