I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
