That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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