u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
