Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
