glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
