Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
