Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
