The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
