And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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