I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
