There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
