How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
