Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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