Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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