just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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