I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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