"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
