i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
