i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
