Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
