I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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