I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
