what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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