It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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