I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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