I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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