I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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