So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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