Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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