You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
