you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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