final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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