Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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