Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
