there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
