dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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