So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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