$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
