I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
