Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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